Making the Case Against Today's Hollywood, by L.B. Mayer
The actress immediately burst into tears after the ruling.
Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel issued the sentence after listening to testimony from employees of an alcohol treatment program that Lohan had been ordered to attend.
Lohan missed 7 classes since December, which led to the judge's harsh rebuke of Lohan moments after the Mean Girls star offered a tearful apology.
"I did do everything I was told to do and did the best I could to balance jobs and showing up," Lohna told the judge. "It wasn't vacation, it wasn't some sort of a joke."
Revel said she found Lohan's apology insincere, comparing it to "someboody who cheats and thinks it isn't cheating if she doesn't get caught."
Hello there, ladies and gentlemen! This is Louis B. Mayer speaking, and, on behalf of my fellow deceased moviemaking moguls --- those would be Cecil B. DeMille, Jack Warner, Sam Goldwyn, Carl Laemmle Sr. and Jr., Darryl F. Zanuck, Adolph Zukor, Walt Disney, Harry Cohn --- I have been asked to say a few words in response to the horrific and obviously self-indulgent lamentation uttered by Ms. Lohan.
When Irving Thalberg, Nicholas Schenck and I were in control of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer once upon a time, we always saw to it that personal problems such as that heretofore shared in the preceding excerpt were dealt with in as expeditious and as humanly a manner as was genuinely possible. Today, there are all these fast, on-the-go corridors of information --- Twitter, TMZ.com, Fox News, etc. --- that cater primarily to the lowest common denominator and the shortest attention span. There was a time, if I recall properly, when morals mattered, even at MGM. And we made damn sure that people understood where our positions were when it came to the topic of the never-ending struggle between Good and Evil.
But today's celebrities seem ignorant of the pitfalls that trapped those who had the misfortune of falling into them in the 1930's and 40's, when we knew what was right and what was wrong with the world. Today's so-called Hollywood stars deserve to be reminded as to the meaning of sense and manners; and I, for one, don't see sense and manners being extolled on, say, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood or The Insider!
The problem with today's Hollywood is that celebrities of the kind you youngsters hold dear tend to play too fast and too loose with the attitudes of the moment. They're no longer content to achieve superstardom; they simply want total control! We tried to do that with our own stars in the ancient days; it didn't work. It left all of us, with the possible exception of ol' C.B., broken, lonely men. I myself have spent all my nights here in this afterverse weeping profusely over what has become of my glorious Hollywood. Occasionally, I'll visit ol' Tanner's quarters and chat with him, he who was the greatest and mightiest of the beasts whom we chose to portray our legendary lion mascot, Leo. I hear these days that there are entire websites dedicated to Tanner's legacy! (Heh-heh!)
In closing, let me warn the current crop of so-called superstars: the world is either for you or against you. Choose for the better, lest you yourselves suffer Ms. Lohan's teary fate. I thank you.