A Missive for Meanies
The reviews have been mixed, to say the least, running the gauntlet from simply sitting back and having fun with the movie (the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's Sean Axmaker ) to the downright hostile (The Hollywood Reporter's Michael Rechtshaffen ranting that "ultimately [the film] has the pleasant charm of a very elaborate show-and-tell project").
Indeed, the more hostile reviewers of Sharkboy and Lavagirl have accused Rodriguez of assembling a "vanity project"; one of those dum-dums was Jack Matthews, whose rant was particularly uncalled for. So much so, in fact, that I wrote him as follows:
"You, sir, are a meanie! How dare you trash a movie that was concieved by, of all people, a 7-year-old kid! Rodriguez, whose name appars no fewer than 13 times in the film's credits, should be thanked for even wanting to involve his entire family in this project .... Maybe you have a problem with the idea that a father can sell to a studio a movie based on the ideas of his own (at the time) 7-year-old son; since apparently you do, let me ask you: do you think you can do a better job? And while I'm venting my soul here, let me ask you: When are ya gonna learn that movie critics are dinosaurs? This movie wasn't made for you. You need to find a lake and go jump in it!"
Mr. Matthews, whose sense of humor is obviously as clueless as it is half-baked, responded thusly: "Actually, I live very near a very nice lake. If it's as hot this afternoon as it was yesterday --- or if it's as hot as it apparently is under your collar ---- I shall indeed take your advice and jump in it."
You impertinent half-wit! Hear me, meanies: There's a reason my mantra reads "PLEASE IMAGINE RESPONSIBLY," and, by Merlin's beard, the Rodriguez Family have demonstrated that mantra mush to my satisfaction! Little wonder, then, that the troublemakers of Troublemaker Studios deserve that moniker your humble Dragonmaster only gives to a chosen few --- Champions of the Imagination! And I hope Sharkboy and Lavagirl becomes this weekend's #1 movie, just to piss you meanies off! SO THERE! (Nyahhh!!!) And the next meanie who dares trash this movie will get a whole inbox flooded with semi-rude remarks! Count on it!
So swears Blackwolf the Dragonmaster!