Of Santa, One-on-One; and of the Power of Scooby-Doo
So, how's the Kringle biz treatin' ya?
It's getting to crunch time. The Lists are starting to come in by the thousands.
How often do you upgrade the Naughty and Nice Lists?
Just about every day. This time of year, maybe every other. We kinda assume if the kids have been good this long, they're not gonna blow it now.
Which of the Lists is Dakota Fanning on?
She's on the Nice List --- this year.
How's your supply of iPods and GameBoys?
Frankly, I'm kinda worried about these Nanos. Since everyone wants one, we've had to work in a deal with Apple to get an extra large stock in.
Waitaminnit. You got a distribution deal with Apple?
Oh, it's not just Apple. I'm doing one with Mattel, I'm doing one with Hasbro --- I'm doing a lotta deals lately!
How many Elves do you employ?
300 asssigned to each country, working 'round-the-clock in three shifts. We give 'em an hour for lunch.
Do they have a 401(k) program?
They don't need one. Elves never retire. They're magical beings.
Nerf: In or out?
Nerf's always in!
OK, I requested a Fort Apache playset when I was 10. Never actually got it. Not too sure about what happened there.
Well, many of the old toys have been reissued, so I'll see what I can do about getting you one this year, Michael.
So how's the North Pole weather?
Much colder than in New York City, but not as cold as in Albany.
Anyone ever tell you you look a lot like Jerry Garcia?
I get more Kenny Rogers.
Is it true that Rudolph is seeking to renegotiate his contract?
Absolutely not! Rudolph's a great team player -- the Captain of our team, as a matter of fact. He seems happy.
Well, last I heard, Blitzen was complaining about Rudy's "me-me-me" attitude.
I think, Michael, you're mistaking me for George Steinbrenner.
What, you a Yankee fan?
Nope. I get better reception on my satellite dish for the more northern teams. Boston and Toronto are more my favorites.
Is there an age limit for kids who sit on your lap?
Actually, no. I've had children in their 80s and 90s come to visit me!
Doesn't Mrs. Claus get jealous of those groupies who sit on your lap every time you go on the road?
Mrs. Claus knows she's always been the only woman for me. Besides, I call her up all the time on my cellphone. You oughta see my roaming charges! Ho-ho-ho!
Well, while the world ponders Santa's roaming charges, an even bigger question springs to my mind: Why has Macy*s, in its infinite wisdom, chosen Scooby-Doo as its Holiday Ambassador for 2005? What precisely is it about Hanna-Barbera's cowardly Great Dane and his Mystery, Inc. colleagues that seems to inspire an undying passion amongst you Mortals?
Well, here's what your Dragonmaster thinks: Someone at Warners is twisted enough to have told the powers that be at 4000 Warner Boulevard, "We don't care if Monsters Unleashed was a box-office dud! Sooner or later, with or without you, we WILL get Scooby-Doo 3 out of development hell and into pre-production, even if we have to get Mystery, Inc. into the Macy*s Thanksgiving Day Parade to do it!"
Well, apparently Macy*s has listened --- and as a result, you can count on either Katie, Matt or Al --- or worse, the whole bloody lot of them --- reading a badly written joke and/or pun about "those meddling kids!" For such, I fear, is the Scooby-Doo legacy. Cartoon Network is obviously on a mission to turn the world into Planet Scoob; how much more one can dream about this, I cannot say. I can only speculate that it be a matter of time............