An Open Letter to Finntroll
By the time this missive reaches you, dear Finntrollers, you will be already well and truly on your way back to Germany, where, as I've been telling most of my friends, you'll be spending the balance of your Spring tour. Yet I would be quite remiss were I not to take the unprecedented step of saying thank you for showing up in the United States.
Now, I don't know how you lads would react to a Wizard such as meself (as I begged ye before in thy guestbook, please don't bash me head in!); but I imagine you have quite the agenda --- for a bunch of trollcentric heavy metal/polka music-makers. The reason I scribble these words here in my Diary of Magecraft is because I sense that a good many folks out there would just say "Who the bleep is Finntroll?" I hope, having alerted my many friends to your website, that they now are properly aware of the answer to that question.
Now, being a Mage, I want you goodly gentles to be aware, first and foremost, that you've nothing to fear from me. I have no intention of transforming any of you into stone. Gandalf made that mistake in The Hobbit, and the twit didn't even bother to apologize! Really!
Regardless, I shall, unfortunately, not be able to join you at B.B. King's on Sunday evening; I do, however, wish you all the best of luck --- and, if it's all the same to you, lads, please try not to eat the people. New Yorkers, I have heard it said, have a history of leaving one with a slight degree of indigestion. I know, 'tis hard to believe, words such as these coming from the mouth of one who is hopelessly devoted to, among other foods, pastrami sandwhiches, pizza and lasagna --- but hey, this, my dear Finntroll, is what we Wizards call chutzpah! And, eh, when one possesses chutzpah the way I do, well --- you know that something unusual has to happen!
And on that note, best wishes, Finntroll. I look forward to hearing from ye lot soon, if not, at the very least, getting some sort of skull or some such in the mail, et al. Ah, me.