Oh, joy! For once, a slow news day! Huzzah!
Which is to say: Hear me, Ryan Seacrest, mine eternal and icky-poo enemy --- dare ye stick thine ugly mug into the realm of Eurovision? Nay, ye daren't! And why is this, ye'll be asking thyself wi' some impatience? Two words, you booby: American bloomin' Idol (OK, that's three words, but I ain't interested in counting right now!)! My point, dear Ryan, is that you and the rest of North America's music community couldn't so much as walk a bloomin' mile in Eurovision's shoes ---- and why is this? Again, the answer is American Idol! While some 42 nations are holding in their respective hands the destiny of the music world, we here in the States are too busy extolling the virtues of that so-called global phenomenon! Once, I found myself hypnotized by Kelly Clarkson's "A Moment Like This"; since then, Generation iPod has destroyed, among other things, CBGB's, Tower Records and, not to put too fine a point upon it, the credibility of MTV. Only Mick and the boys and Rolling Stone Magazine are left to soldier on as the sole legitimate defenders of pure rock, but how long, I wonder, will it be before time is on their side no more? And given that Virgin Megastore is now pretty much the only game in town, where will that road take us, I'd like to know?
Well, in any case, I've ranted long enough, Mortals. Feel like responding to this, or, at the very least, putting this foolish, grumpy old goat in his proper place? You know how to find me: firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go see what's on YouTube.com.