Blackbeard the Pirate Responds to the Rude Remarks re: @ World's End
I been 'earin' some really hostile remarks from them twice-brainless movie critics concerning Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: @ World's End. And needless ta say, I ain't happy. Why? Because they think this newest adventure with our favorite swasbuckler, Cap'n Jack Sparrow, be all too confusin', bloated, over-blown, and all that blarsted crapola. Well, lemme just say this about that: Don't you landlubbers be lissenin' ta them! They just don't understand what we Pirates go through just to make an 'onest livin' around 'ere! Were it not fer Jerry Bruckheimer and his madmen, we Pirates wouldn't be where are right now! And anyway, as Pirates, we ain't s'posed t' care what anybody sez, savvy?
At least, Eleanor Ringel Gillespie, in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, were among them critics what be willin' ta sit back an' have fun! At least, she bothered ta read the plot synopsis to the letter: "Jack Sparrow is one of the Nine Pirate Lords. They've called one of their rare meetin's, and everyone must be present. Their purpose? To form an alliance against the greedy East India Trading Company, whose CEO, the villainously powerful Lord Cutler Beckett, wants to rid the Seven Seas o' the Pirate world," sez Milady Eleanor. "Y'see, in Disney's revisionist version, Pirates and fun-loving rogues who only want freedom, as opposed ta bein' nasty thugs who sink ships, de-flower the fairer sex, and murder everybody on board. The idea, I think, is to make the final confrontation more along the lines of, say, Death Star vs. Rebel Alliance; or. perhaps, Fellowship of the Ring vs. Mordor. (Hmmmmm...., after all there were nine of them, too!). Needless to say, we've come a long way, baby, from theme-park jokes!"
That we have indeed, honey. So lissen here, do as me pals at No Quarter Given Magazine be a-doin! Do as Cap'n Slappy, 1st Mate Chumbucket and Mistress Mad Sally be a-doin'! Do as Cap'n William Kidd an 'is Free Men o' the Sea be a-doin'! Do as The Corsairs, the Crimson Pirates and the Pyrates Royale, amongst others, be a-doin'! Them, and everyone else what be lovin' a really great Pirate movie! We're ALL gonna see this 'ere really great Pirate movie, and we're ALL gonna sit back an' enjoy it, and we're ALL gonna go home feelin' like we be the Happiest Pirates in the World --- and YOU'RE gonna shut up and watch @ World's End make a billion d'bloons! Now what do ya be sayin' ta that, bilge-breath? Ha har!