Blackwolf the Dragonmaster's Diary of Magecraft

Being a Chronicle of the Inner Secrets of, and Spells of Magick as Wielded by, the Philosopher of the Internet and Unofficial Sorcerer-in-Residence of the City of New York

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Location: New York, New York, United States

As New York's Unofficial Wizard, my mission is to encourage the Mortals of Manhattan to imagine responsibly!

Friday, March 26, 2010

More from the World of DreamWorks' How to Train Your Dragon

Damn you, Kyle Smith! I knew your imbecilic New York Post review of DreamWorks Animation's How to Train Your Dragon, opening in theatres today, would be full of the smart-mouthed, smartass yuppie sarcasm that got you your fuckin' job!

You have the monumental gall to suggest, and I quote, "the story (and maybe the jokes) was devised by the merchandising department." WRONG! The film, in case you care, which I doubt, is based upon a popular 8-volume series of children's novels by Scottish-based authoress Cressida Cowell. The series was launched in 2000 with the solo effort of the series star, Hiccup the Seasick Viking; the original How to Train Your Dragon book came out three years later. Since then, the series, published by Lagardere/Hachette Book Group's Little, Brown & Co., has been read by over 5 million young people worldwide.

Do you honestly think these lovable characters, despite their being, as you percieve them, remarkably "dull," give a rat's ass about what a yuppie sumbitch like you thinks? No, idiot --- because they're Vikings --- and, as such, would have you boiled in tartar sauce (Grey Poupon, presumably) for even daring to insult them! I am herewith forced, Mr. Smith, to ask this of you: Who the fuck did you sleep with to get your damn job anyway?

At least,'s Mary Pols has far more brains than you, describing the mighty Toothless as having "the emotional, aesthetic appeal of The Black Stallion and the heart of Good Dog Carl." Ms. Pols, who gives How to Train Your Dragon 4 stars out of 5, goes on to suggest that the movie possesses a kind of subtlety, beauty and depth, especially in its flying scenes, which, she asserts, are as magical as anything out of the much-heralded Avatar.

But maybe, Kyle, you and your fellow yuppie-ass scum can't deal with movies that give their viewers a neat sense of imagination and inventiveness, is that it? I would suppose, in all honesty, that you and your kind would rather discover inventiveness in a pile of Chivas Regal, or some such kind of the vodka you apparently love to guzzle down. Maybe you ought get out from behind your damn desk and figure out that there are people out there with at least the balls to dream! And if you haven't your share of said balls, may I offer ye this brief bit of humble advice: GET SOME, JERK!

My apologies, Mortals, for my all too obviously rude remarks, but as you see, I don't take kindly to overly sarcastic film critics. It is apparent, however, that you and I may have to put up with them for the forseeable future; more to the point, the giant among movie-critic television shows is itself, alas, not long for this world. After close to some 30 years, ABC/Disney Domestic Television's @ the Movies, currently anchored by Michael Phillips of the Chicago Tribune (who gives Hiccup and the gang 3 1/2 stars), and A.O. ("Tony") Scott of the New York Times (who marvels at the "primitive but durable delight" offered by the flying sequences), will cease production with the episode scheduled for the weekend of August 14th.

The ever-changing times, climates and preferences of the moviegoing public were among the reasons Disney cited in their statement announcement the @ the Movies series finale. Born in the early 1970s as Opening Soon @ a Theatre Near You, the show later morphed into Sneak Previews, recorded at the studios of longtime PBS icon WTTW/Chicago, and notorious as the place where beloved Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert held court every week. By 1982, Gene and Roger had moved their show, the first to bear the @ the Movies logo, to national syndication, under the distributorship of Tribune Entertainment. Four years later, the boys signed up with Disney, and Siskel & Ebert & the Movies was born. Even then, the show would be altered further to the point whereby it would regain the @ the Movies icon and logo.

Then, with Gene Siskel's passing in 1999, the series saw Roger Ebert sharing hosting duties with rotating critics before finally settling on Richard Roeper in 2000. Six years later, sadly, Ebert began taking extended leaves of absence that he might devote himself to battling cancer. Before the Phillips/Scott era, the show was hosted by young Ben Lyons, son of film critic legend Jeffrey Lyons, and Ben Mankiewicz, radio/TV film critic. Their tenure as hosts were poorly received. But, as Ebert laments in his blog entry "See you @ the movies," "Blame the fact that cable TV and the Internet have fragmented the audience so much that stations are losing market share, no matter what they do." Perhaps, in retrospect, Weird Al Yankovic's UHF was not as on target as it had originally let on.........

As always, Mortals, I wanna know what you think. Gimme an e-mail at either or

Master Blackwolf