Well, look who's back online: Concerning "Touched by a Wizard"
"In the course of my television career, I have been fortunate enough to have received some pretty good ink, as we in the business say. One of America's finest, funniest TV critics, Tim Goodman of the San Francisco Chronicle, gave me and Unscrewed a splendid review. And despite some strange inaccuracies, misquotes and word choices, I was thrilled to have the New York Times (the daily publication of which I consider to be one of the greater achievements of Western civilization) print a feature article about me. Other fine reviews in respected newspapers, magazines and websites have appeared over the years. In each instance, I was deeply honored (as was, I hope, the fantastic staff of writers, producers, editors, etc. that I had behind me).
"But none of the aforenoted accolades is anywhere near as thrilling, touching, honorific or as special as what was written today in Blackwolf the Dragonmaster's Diary of Magecraft.
"Blackwolf, of course, is New York City's Unofficial Wizard. You might have seen him exchanging verbal magic missiles with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog outside the NYC premiere of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones (certainly one of the finest moments in the history of television). I hope, by filching his words and printing them below, he doesn't wave his enchanted staff towards the heavens and cause firestorms to rain down upon me, but here goes:
'Your humble Dragonmaster is just now recovering from a strange and rather chilly Tuesday. Washington Square Park saw me playing in the snow with ol' Poopstar. The fresh hound and I were joined by a film crew from G4, cable's all-videogame, all-the-time network. Our mission: to film some intros and commercial bumpers for the apparent network debut of The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog --- although I did wonder if freeezing me Wizardly butt off was all that worth it!
Look, do you Mortals think I like the sleet and slush? No! I frequently check in with the Weather Channel on occasion, but I prefer my robes and my new cloak somewhat untouched by the forces of dirt, thank you very much. In any case, let me tell you G4 folks: shame on you for losing dear Martin Sargent; were it not for the stupidity of certain G4 execs, Unscrewed would have remained on the air indefinitely. As it is, I have to put up with more annoying dreck on the air anyway; and the Olympics are beginning to bore me. I may just take tomorrow off and snooze meself silly!'
"Huzzah! Such wisdom could only flow from the quill of a 4800-year-old, incredibly powerful Mage! Thanks, Blackwolf the Dragonmaster, Duke of Talisker, for enchanting -- and uplifting -- my soul. I feel as though I have an 18 Charisma, and that the great Dungeonmaster in the sky has just informed me that, upon rolling the 20-sided die of life, I have successfully made my saving throw. I only wish I was in New York City so I could watch the Olympics with you. Perhaps you could cast a spell to speed the skates of America's ice wizard, Apollo Anton Ohno."
Martin, dear friend, thank you so much for your kind words! You need not fear any firestorms coming from my powerful hands; such is my joy that you have done well for yourself. My one regret remains that we were unable to chew the fat for Unscrewed's Thanksgiving Spectacular; Hopefully, we can indeed come together in ye Byg Appyl one of these days...... Besides, in these few days prior to Oscar Night, I am sure you still recall where me Dark Chambers are. You will certainly continue to be numbered amongst my many admirers and friends. Huzzah! and hurrah!
Fearlessly yours, as always,
P.S. The ratings for the Olympics were less than stellar; and that thrice-damned Ryan Seacrest and American Idol refused to lie down like a dog and submit. Drat! Drat, drat, drat!!!