The Dragonmaster Grumbles Further: The Games of the XXIX Olympiad --- The Opening Ceremony
The Games of the XXIX Olympiad suck.
And not only WILL they suck, my dears, the very fact that we are forced to endure what NBC's coverage of the Opening Ceremonies will do a 4-hour stint, commercials included, simply forces my Wizardly being to seethe with utter insanity. And the weirder part about all this is that ol' Poopstar (a/k/a Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog) is going to have a lot more fun than me --- and at least, he's got at least a few excuses: the fresh hound will be doing both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions -- with a view toward being booted out of both of them!
So what's my problem with the Opening Ceremony, you ask?
Plenty, you sillies! First of all, we're going to be dealing with a China that has practically lied to the entire Planet in general about squeaky clean images, a tolerant government, humans behaving themselves nicely, etc. Well, let's call a spade a spade and simply say that your Dragonmaster is just not buying it!
As a Wizard, I am, as you all know, bound by a Code of Honor that compels those in my chosen profession to tell the truth. I shall fight anyone, tooth and nail if need be, to uphold that Code of Honor. When the High Istari first chose me to serve as Dragonmaster, they challenged me to uphold certain values --- and such challenges I do not take lightly. When an entire nation lies to its people the way China has done, I cannot find it in my Wizardly conscience to stand idly by and accept such untruths, particularly if I plan on living with meself upon the morrow.
So, to teach the NBC twits a lesson, I've decided to rely mostly on the BBC's coverage. BBC 1 & 2 will broadcast for television from 0200 to 1800 hours BST each day of the Games, devoting live coverage specifically to the day's best sport. An evening's roundup, airing at 1900 hours BST, recaps the highlights and each day's major goings-on. The other networks of the BBC --- BBC 3, BBC 4, BBC England, BBC Wales, BBC Scotland, BBC World News, BBC Prime and BBC Knowledge Magazine --- will keep their viewers up to date with the latest Games updates, while the BBC News Channel will do their thing straight from the scene, bringing you news items on the issues and controversies surrounding the Games. Most of BBC Radio's leading programmes will originate live from Beijing, with BBC Radio 5 taking on round-the-clock live coverage each day. BBC World Service Radio, distributed in the U.S. by Public Radio International, will bring listeners a global perspective, with live updates, commentary and analysis.
But it's Monkey the Great Monkey King, Pigsy the Mighty Porker and Sandy the Sand Monk that have caught your Dragonmaster's attention in particular. They'll be starring in the animated title sequences of BBC Television's coverage, as well as taking over the BBC's kids' lineup. By the end of the Games, these guys are gonna be so popular, you'll end up asking "Doctor Who who?"
Well, enougha my Wizardly crap. I've probably ranted meself hoarse about the damn Games anyway. Enjoy the expletive deleted party.