From Blackbeard the Pirate, on Electric Pirates Entertainment's 25th Anniversary
Today, ye landlubberly scum, be th' Nineteenth o' July, Two Thousand Ten, or so ye blarsted Mortals would say. Ta yers truly, it be far much more. For this mornin', Roman Polanski once more walks amongst ye as a free man --- free to, among other things, cellybrate alongside us, 25 accursed and 'orrible years since he hintroduced Planet Earth in general --- and me dear shipmate Richard Washington in particular --- to Cap'n Thomas Bartholomew Red!
Aye, lads n' lassies, I speaks o' the very same movie ---- Roman Polanski's PIRATES ---- and even though its tale of the Aztec throne o' Kapatek-Anhuac and its effect on them what be doomed ta possess it has never been a real world-beater in every sense o' th' term, it nonetheless left a lastin' stench what has brought one or two tears o' joy t' Pirate movie lovers everywhars, sez I!
And when, agin, 25 yarrrs ago, Richard Washington ranted furiously over its box-office failure, he knew there be one and only one Pirate to whom he could turn fer comfortin', wisdom and an ongoin' pursuit o' the weird, wild n' misunderstood --- ME!
And so, with my help n' hinspiration --- two very rare things what ye folks don't git too much from us Pirates these days --- Electric Pirates Entertainment was born, and yours truly happily volunteered 'is services as Corporate Mascot and Principal Spokespirate. Richard an' me, we've sailed merrily (and madly) alongside each other ever since. And let me assure ye scurvy scum that we be in this 'ere boat fer ez long as it takes fer you swabs to git to notice us!
Tommy Red, me old matey, here's to ya! In fact, here's to Tarak ben Ammar, Thom Mount, John Brownjohn and everybody else what had the balls ta tell yer tale! Were it not fer any man an' woman jack o' ye, ol' Teach wouldn't soon be on th' verge of makin' me first major studio movie in over half-a-century next year! And look who I'll be sailin' with, too --- no less'n Jack Sparrow hisself! Golan n' Globus couldn't be a-boastin' o' that if they were wantin' their mommy, ha-har!
Now bugger off. I needs ta find our distinguished Commodore some Coca-Cola Classic ta guzzle down on! Happy 25th Birthday ta us! We be rockin', sez I! An' we be rulin', too! Yay, us!