Mistress Maleficent Files a Complaint (Again)!
Oh, hello, Darlings. Sorry about pouting in public there, but from what I'm hearing, my bosses here at 500 South Buena Vista still want Tim Burton to tell my side of the Sleeping Beauty legend --- the problem is, rather than Tim's wench, Helena Bonham Carter, they want Angelina Jolie to portray me.
Didn't I just read last Sunday's USA Weekend newspaper supplement, wherein Ms. Jolie admitted to being the ultimate nadir of sweetness and light --- you know, the two things that usually annoy us Disney Villains. Yet here's Disney talking with with fiendishly crafty Mr. Burton about having the ultimate nadir of sweetness and light starring as moi, the Disney Villain par excellence --- the ultimate Mouskabitch (publicly, we --- myself, Snow's Mom, Cruella, the Tremaines and Ursula --- aren't permitted to call ourselves that) --- oh, horror, I can't even begin to imagine what she'll do to me! How do you think Jolie will handle the transformation from evil sorceress to all-powerful purple dragon? Frankly, I don't see myself handling Brad Pitt the way she would!
If, however, the negotiations fall into play, you may rest assured I'll have the most fun taking Angelina under my wing, so to speak, that she may take a few pointers from --- well, an expert.
Got to go, future minions. Hades keeps sending this e-mail about wanting to date me; trying to delete him from my brain, if not entirely my life.
Till next time, Darlings!