Eurovision, A.L. (After Lordi)

As Moscow prepares to host next month's Eurovision Song Contest, apparently a rather dim shadow has found its way onto the spotlight of the 53-year-old international music festival. As Michael Schwirtz observed in yesterday's New York Times, this year's competition is set against a backdrop of growing Russian assertiveness, not just in musical and athletic competitions, but in political and military controversies as well. The organizers of Eurovision have even changed some of the rules a little bit, too, to the point whereby a panel of judges, a la American Idol, are expected to weigh in with personal opinions. This was, Mr. Schwirtz reveals, the result of some of the participants complaining about what the Western Europeans described as "bloc voting" from Eastern European member delegates.

Using that information as a premise, then, your Dragonmaster now explores the fortunes of Eurovision in the wake of probably its most famous moment of all time: the night that Lordi, now my Official Rock Band, won the whole nine yards for their beloved Finland, thereby setting our Planet on fire (musically speaking, of course). Let us now explore Eurovision, A.L. --- After Lordi........

Athens, Greece, the Olympic Indoor Hall: When the first notes of the pulsating Hard Rock Hallelujah fired up the crowd, the viewers were likewise fired up. 292 points later, Lordi, Kita, Amen, Awa and Ox had achieved stardom, had become the newest and most unlikeliest heroes in Finland's long history --- and, as you already know by now, had also captured the attention of a certain Wizard (that would be me). But look at what happened after Lordi's incredible triumph:

The Hartwell Arena, Helsinki: Lordi kicked off the evening's proceedings with a spectacular filmed Prologue (which can still be seen on YouTube to this day, I can happily add), before showing up in person, to the delight of their fans, as well as those watching on Finland's television network (and Santa Claus' Official Broadcaster) YLE. And your humble Dragonmaster kept a firm eye on the proceedings, too, my Dark Chambers being the ONLY U.S.-based website that dared to keep a firm eye on things there! Why, the Distinguished Mr. Claus himself took a break from his normal toymaking duties at Korvatunturi, near Lordi's headquarters in Rovaniemi, Finnish Lapland, to show up near the end of the show's Grand Finale, to bring some very special Christmas presents to Serbia's own Marija Serifovic, who of course won that year's competition with a ditty called Molitva.

And then, last year, at the Belgrade Arena, when Russia's own Dima Bilan performed the winning item, Believe! --- co-written, as Mr. Schwirtz' article has revealed, by the American rap artist Timbaland. On the heels of that victory, I quoted the angry rant of Britain's Ian Hutchison, who grumbled: "We, and certain other Western nations, have begun to grow tired of Eurovision! Sooner or later, we will start to withdraw our participation, and perhaps our continued financing of Eurovision as well." And as for me, what I said then still holds true now --- Dima, you're a wonderful recording artist, and, I must admit, a fan favorite among Russian teenagers --- but frankly, my friend, you ain't no Lordi, amigo --- and you're gonna need to work hard if you plan on following in their footsteps!

And now, dear children, you know. So what does the future hold? Will the West of Europe indeed become angry enough to withdraw both its participation in, and its financing of, Eurovision? Or have they simply become too obsessed with the contest to the point where they just don't have the heart to let the damn thing go? That I cannot say. Suffice it to say, the world of Eurovision, A.L. (After Lordi) is looking bleak; just how bleak, we will find out at the end of May.

As always, America, I wanna know what you think. Gimme an e-mail at either electric_pirates@hotmail.com or blackbeardian@yahoo.com.

Master Blackwolf