WORLD EXCLUSIVE! The Council of Legendary Figures on Isiah Thomas and the New York Knicks
WE, THE UNDERSIGNED, as the Council of Legendary Figures, hereby disassociate ourselves with the New York Knickerbockers and its parent company, Madison Square Garden. Seriously, do you honestly think we watch these guys anymore? C'mon, the man's nuts as it is, but to actually presume that we would have anything to do with the Knicks is to commit the ultimate blasphemy. Santa, for example, isn't exactly keen on leaving coal in the collective stockings of the MSG higher-ups, mostly in light of the gig he's got over at Radio City Music Hall; the Bunny often hosts a few great parties over at the NBA Store 5th Avenue; Mother Nature and Father Time happen to be closet ESPN fans; while Jack Frost prefers the New York Rangers.
And yet fans of the Knicks would expect us to believe we're down with them? To make such suggestions would be to declare this Council the absolute laughingstock of Civilization itself; and needless to say we will not allow ourselves to stand for such inappropriate speculation! So there!
THE COUNCIL OF LEGENDARY FIGURES
Representing Christmas: Santa Claus
Representing Easter: The Easter Bunny
Representing St. Patrick's Day: Kevin, King of the Leprechauns
On Behalf of her Resources: Mother Nature
On Behalf of the Dental Industry: The Tooth Fairy
Representing the Winter Solstice: Jack Frost
Representing Himself: Father Time
Well, Mortals, now you know. As usual, America, I wanna hear your responses to this. Gimme an e-mail at either firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com.