An Open Letter to Lordi
Well, by Merlin's beard, this ol' Wizard is finally going to have at least one of his dreams come spectacularly true: Come April 20th, Lordi is about to bring the balls of heavy metal to America --- specifically, Anaheim, CA's House of Blues, the first stop on your first-ever North American tour! Huzzah! You're lucky indeed that The End Records has asked to be your North American home --- and it does me heart good that you've sort of granted them permission!
Still, as I write, I have memories, as does most of the world, of the unprecedented way whereby you practically took over the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest --- needless to say, Hard Rock Hallelujah will be tattooed into this foolish old goat's brain for all time to come. Now, thanks to you and your monsterly colleagues, Helsinki has finally gotten its chance to host Eurovision! And as far as broadcasting the thing goes, it couldn't have happened to a (literally) cooler network than Santa Claus' Official Broadcasters, YLE!
Sadly, when you finally make it to this side of the Continental U.S., to join a stellar line up of pop, rock and metal's finest and most legendary names at the Bamboozle @ the Meadowlands in East Rutherford, NJ on May 5th and 6th, I shall not be there to see your ultimate triumph! You see, 'twas I, Blackwolf the Dragonmaster, who, upon first learning of you and your website, spent a considerable amount of time plugging you lot on my Dark Chambers website! Much has happened since then; and certainly, I have quite a good idea of what you lads hope to accomplish. (That, and the fact that the closest concert venue your fellow freakies, Finntroll, ever got in mine adopted metropolis of New York City was B.B. King's Blues Club Bar & Grill Times Square!)
Still, I have but this to say in closing: I can only wish you lot the best of luck, for the Arockalypse, as you lads call it, promises to be one of the most anticipated musical events of the moment! And while I sense, dear Mr. Lordi, that a tiny tear may fall from one of those crimson eyes of yours when the Eurovision Semi-finals happen on May 10th, take comfort in this: you and your colleagues are national heroes in Finland! You are deserving of the praise of your many fans across the Multiverse! And at least one Wizard --- namely, me --- bothered to share your story with the world! Congratulations, lads!
(And, by the way, as always --- please don't eat the Wizard. It would be rawther bahd form.)