Today's Guest Blogger: Stoick the Vast, from How to Train Your Dragon!
For you newcomers to the Island of Berk, a brief introduction, I think, is in order. Know, intruders, that I am Stoick the Vast, Chieftain of the Hairy Hooligans of the Island of Berk --- and, as you've probably guessed by now, father of one Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III. Yeah, that's us --- we're the stars of DreamWorks Animation's How to Train Your Dragon --- and New York City's Unofficial Wizard has asked me to guest-blog in his Diary of Magecraft so that I could have the privilege, on behalf of all of us here on Berk, of thanking you for having made us the #1 movie in America! (I feel so honored!) Vikings, after all, love being #1, and we always do everything we can to STAY there!
What else keeps us going, you ask? Well, we're big, bearded, brawny, muscley, rough, burly, ferocious, and, er.... well, I guess I've pretty much covered it all. But if you've seen the movie, you already know I'm not exactly fond of Hiccup's love for Dragons. Well, all right, I'll admit it: since we made the film, mighty Toothless has been a welcome addition to our home. I would ride him myself, but he clearly wants one person and one person only on his back: my boy Hiccup! (Besides, it's not wise to jinx a potential three-picture deal. Jeffrey Katzenberg is one really tough customer!)
Well, we're such a hit now that How to Train Your Dragon 2 is obviously in the works; I don't really know if I can handle another movie workout! But that doesn't mean I'm not up to the challenge --- because we Vikings can mow down any challenge that gets in our way. And when we're finished mowing stuff down, there's something else we love to do --- PARTY!
And if you wanna party with big burly Vikings like us, you need to be in Ashville, Ohio. The Ashville Viking Festival happens the weekend of Saturday and Sunday, April 24th and 25th, and they've lined up some really tough entertainment to pump you up with: the Jousters of Combatant's Keep, Bob Ford and the Ragamuffins, the Daring Douglasses Fire-eaters, the kids from the Graham Irish Dance School, the Hard Tackers, Minstrel Woode, loud, ferocious bagpiper Drogo Wulf, Odin's Orchids Dancers, juggler maniac Stuartsik Siskonovich --- and the biggest and burliest of 'em all, King Henry VIII of England! You can also munch and belch at the Festival's two restaurants, Thor's Feasthall and Heimdall's Horn o' Plenty; and at dusk on Saturday, a one-night-only screening of the documentary Faire: An American Renaissance! (Well, your old pal Stoick isn't too disappointed; How to Train Your Dragon is playing in a few Columbus, Ohio area theatres as you read this, anyway!) And your hosts for the Ashville Viking Festival are the members of the Lost Vikings' Hoard, who love to sing, dress up, look burly and mighty, and just plunder and pillage in general.
And to really get up close with how we did our thing you have to go to England's famous Jorvik Viking Center! They'll learn you a few things about how the real Vikings did their thing, without so much as shedding one drop of blood.
Well, kids, it's been my pleasure guest-blogging in Blackwolf's Diary of Magecraft. Before I go off to further bask in my --- and Hiccup's --- new-found stardom, let me share with you the little ditty I wrote about how really, really tough I can be when someone tries to get on my case:
I've blacked 1000 eyes
Of 1000 angry gales,
And I've been known to knock the cockles off
The biggest bluest whales!
I've given walrus nightmares
Who thought that they were strong,
And I've marooned a huge typhoon
Off an island named Hong Kong!
O ye ancient prawny tails
Of the never-ending sea,
You may mess with squirmy jellyfish,
But DO NOT MESS WITH ME! (Ha-har!)