King Neptune's ALCS Rant!

Greetings, Surface-dwellers! Neptunus Rex, King of all the Oceans here --- and I am clearly NOT a happy camper this day. Damn you, Boston Red Sox! Why won't you stay defeated?!?

As I feared, there is indeed to be a seventh and deciding game in this vile American League Championship Series --- and I fear that my dearest Tampa Bay Devil Rays, having come so far in the post-season, may yet fail at the last minute! Fie upon ye, you freaks from Fenway! I would see you writhe like a starving minnow rather than have you trash the Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series! As for the comedy duo of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, I hope your bardly stylings result in the lowest-rated World Series EVER! If I know the New Yorkers whom my gloatee, Master Blackwolf, purports to serve, chances are they'll now have the NFL on ESPN on their brains! And well ye should, Surface-dwellers! I, for one, haven't heard that idiot mantra "Are you ready for some footballlllll!!!!!" in aeons!

The moral of this saga, Mortals, is this: You don't wanna have ol' King Neptune come looking for you when he's angry. I've been known to teach a few dum-dums a lesson or two, compliments of my trusty trident! Which is to say, no foolin' around tonight, my dear Devil Rays! I want you as World Series Champions --- and I WILL NOT have these dratted Bostonians forestall my will! So sweareth Neptunus Rex, King of all the Oceans!