The Devil on Tiger Woods

Greetings, future minions! Lucifer, Prince of Darkness here, a/k/a the Devil! (Insert evil sneer here!) As you can see, I'm in no mood to mince words, so let's simply cut to the chase:

So Tiger Woods whined yesterday to a so-called select audience of associates that he had made mistakes, that he had had affairs, that he had cheated? Ya know what? Boo friggin' hoo. So you had affairs and you cheated, huh? Yeah, you and every other so-called man on the Planet! This is why Big Boss booted me from Cloud City all those aeons ago! In case you tuned in late, here's the synopsis:

God, after six days working on Earth, the cosmos and stuff in general, decides to take a break after putting together His latest invention --- Man and Woman, a/k/a Adam and Eve. He gives these two kids mastery over Earth and everything in it, but He also warns 'em not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. So what do I do? I disguise myself as a snake, convince Eve to get Adam to get some apples for her --- and before you know it, foreclosure on the Garden of Eden.

I wanna thank R. Crumb, by the way, for his excellent graphic novel adaptation of the whole Book of Genesis! You oughta see how Crumb drew ol' Big Boss! Ha ha ha!

But I'm simply saying here that Tiger made my point for me: Mankind does make mistakes. That's why villains got invented. It's also why you watch Jerry Springer. Not convinced? Just ask Weird Al Yankovic.

Bottom line, kids, don't hold your breath waiting for Tiger to return to the Masters. Put simply, he's finished. Now shut up and tremble for a couple of minutes whilst I laugh my nasty laugh:

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!