Blackwolf the Dragonmaster's Diary of Magecraft

Being a Chronicle of the Inner Secrets of, and Spells of Magick as Wielded by, the Philosopher of the Internet and Unofficial Sorcerer-in-Residence of the City of New York

My Photo
Location: New York, New York, United States

As New York's Unofficial Wizard, my mission is to encourage the Mortals of Manhattan to imagine responsibly!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Blackwolf @ the Oscars 2006, Part Four

Next on the Kodak Theatre stage was Jake Gyllenhaal to introduce the next Chuck Workman package, this one focusing on epics --- those incredible superproductions without which the motion picture industry simply would not exist. By now, our host was beginning to worry whether or not the show was running out of clips! Really, Jon, lad --- you'd think that you'd keep a considerably extensive archive on your own show! Telling the viewers to send more clips? Where in Merlin's name do you get your delusions, I'd like to know? Anywho, the next presenters were Jessica Alba and Eric Bana, and the award assigned to them was Best Sound Mixing/Re-recording. Your triumphant victors in this case: Chris Boyes, Hammond Peek, Michael Hedges and Michael Semanick for the Kong thing. "You questioned me once: 'Are you sure you don't want to be a doctor?' Yes, Mom, I'm sure. I love you," quipped Michael Semanick, once more honoring all those parents who wanted other careers for their kids, but for whom Fate had other plans. (Yeah, they all thanked the Weta wildfolk, too.)

Two entertainment icons were the next presenters: Lily Tomlin and 13-time Oscar nominee Meryl Streep. Thirteen times! Man, I am impressed! In a hilarious doubletalk, the two ladies introduced the package paying specific tribute to this year's Honorary Oscar receipient --- director, maverick, madman, rebel:
Robert Altman. Here are some of his comments:

"I was really honored and moved to accept this award. When the news first came to me about it, I was caught kinda off guard. You see, I always thought that this kind of award meant that it was all over. And then it dawned on me: I was busy in rehearsals on a play that I'm doing in London right now. It opened last night -- Arthur Miller's last play, Resurrection Blues. And then, I was doing an interview for my new film that I just finished ---
Prairie Home Companion, which will come out in the summer. And I realized --- it's not over.

"I've always said that making a film is like making a sandcastle at the beach. You invite all your friends, and you get 'em all down there, and you say that you and several of your friends have built this beautiful structure. Then you just sit back and watch the tide come in. Have a drink, watch the tide come in, and let it all just try to take you away ..... And that sandcastle remains in your mind. Now, I've built about 40 of them, and I never trie of it. No other filmmaker has gotten a better shake than I have. I'm very fortunate in my career, because I've never had to direct a film that I didn't choose or develop. I love filmmaking. It has given me an entree into the world and the human condition, and for that, I'm forever grateful.

"Finally ... I have to become straight with you: 11 or so years ago, I had a heart transplant. I got the heart of, I think, a young woman who was in her late 30s; and so, by that kind of calculation, you may be giving me this award a little too early ... because I think I've got 40 years or so left on it, and I intend to use it."

And indeed, we hope Bob Altman does use it as much as possible. The night's weirdest commercial had to be American Express' journey into the Twilight Zone, with no less than M. Night Shyamalan himself presiding. Ooooh, scary, boys and girls!

Well, now we come to the part of our saga where once more things start to get a bit out of control. Chris (Ludacris) Bridges came on stage next to introduce the team of Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman and Paul Beauregarde, performing as Three 6 Mafia. Then, following Queen Latifah's declaration of the performance as Best Original Song, the group went incredibly wild --- and see ye now what shall herewith transpire! It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp is obviously going to be the talk of Harlem, the Apollo Theater, BET and oh, I could go on and on and on! "We wanna thank Keith Young, our choreographer ... and for giving us a chance, the Academy. We love the Academy! Gil Cates, everybody, I got plenty of time, ain't nobody else...." I don't think, dear Mortals, that you wish to hear what's left of this acceptance speech. There are just some Oscar moments that just --- well, shock you!

Following another set of fake spots, these focusing on the Sound Efects Editing category, Jennifer Garner presented the Sound Effects Oscar to Mike Hopkins and Ethan van der Ryn from Kong, who thanked Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Andy Serkis, blah blah blah. Then George Clooney returned to the stage, this time to introduce this year's Oscar Necrology. At least, it was more decent and respectful than last year's In Memoriam.

Well, anyway, enough of this for now. Be here for the exciting conclusion of Blackwolf @ the Oscars 2006!